Worldbuilding — Korín, Sorín, and Arín 2021-11-11
I did some poetry editing. Let's see how that breaks down.
- Changed "the land"
- Punctuation pass (including fixing the quote marks)
- Made a call on the line breaks (including the tenth stanza)
- I am using "ere" correctly
Still need to figure out:
- Replacing "health" with "healing"
- The beginning of the speech
- "then"/"kin", and for that matter, "home"/"down", and "clashed"/"lash". Maybe some way to get it to "clash"... "then"/"in", "in"/"mend"
- Too much "forsake"
- Replacing "lapse" with "collapse"
- End of eighth stanza
- Ninth stanza
- "From" in thirteenth stanza
- Still not sure what the deal is with "storm'd"
- Replacing "almost" with "practically"
- Last line of twenty-sixth stanza
- "Sore" in twenty-seventh stanza
- Too much "struck"/not enough parallelism
- General awkwardness in the twenty-ninth through thirty-third stanzas
I'm not sure what to focus on next.
I guess I'll just take things from either the beginning or the end.
For now, I want to take things easy-ish, because I had a rough night.
Good night.